How are you fuckers always getting in?
You little fuckers always getting in!
Where are you fuckers always getting in?
I don’t like it.
So please stop.

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Sonny Day

No disrespect to bitches and hoes
Everybody loves the bitches and hoes
I sure love the bitches and hoes
‘Cause I’m hardcore! I’m hardcore!

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Ravioli Shoes

John Mayer made a TikTok of a short song called “Ravioli Shoes” and I liked it so much that I wrote a verse and added bass, drums, and a harmony.

Lost my job
Haven’t eaten in 3 days
But then I found a buck

So I go to the store
To see what I can afford
And find that I’m in luck

A can of ravioli makes my heart go crazy
Like a lover’s embrace

Though I know that it’s wrong
I’ve got an urge so strong
I just can’t stuff it in my face

Sometimes you gotta do what you can
To walk off those blues
Even if that means
Spending all your beans on
Ravioli shoes

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Beez McKeever

Sure most people are probably asleep at 6:40am. Some are even getting up or already up. Me, I’m laying in bed trying to sleep but instead getting an idea for a very silly song about having a crush on the Prop/Costume Diva for #MST3K and singing it into a voice memo in bits and pieces so I’ll remember it the next day. Quite probably the most niche song I’ve ever written. And that’s saying something.

I also decided to record a full studio version and video for that version in all it’s power pop glory!

Once upon a time, way back in the day
I used to watch a lot of MST3K
I never saw a lot of the earlier shows
So I decided to go back and give ’em a go

I was watching some videos, “Behind The Scenes”
And was reminded of a queen upon my screen
A feeling so familiar despite the years
That I wrote it in a song for the world to hear

I’ve still got a crush on Beez McKeever
The magical prop and costume diva
And if I ever met her then I’d never wanna leave her
‘Cause I’ve still got a crush on Beez McKeever

I hope this was amusing
And I swear I’m not a creeper

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Brown Sugar (Cookies)

A useful re-write of a great, but lyrically problematic Rolling Stones song.

2 cups flour, quarter teaspoon of salt
Half teaspoon of cinnamon or 1 if you want
Baking soda, need a teaspoon of that
One and a half teaspoons of cornstarch, yeah

Brown Sugar Cookies will taste so good
Brown Sugar, just like a cookie should

Three quarter cups unsalted butter you melt
One and one quarter cups brown sugar as well
Whisk 1 egg in that you carefully crack
Then lastly 2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Brown Sugar Cookies will taste so good
Brown Sugar, just like a cookie should

Pre-heat your oven to 325-a
Roll your dough balls in some sugar, wipe your saliva
Bake 10 minutes, til they’re puffy and soft
Don’t burn your mouth, make sure to let them cool off

Brown Sugar Cookies will taste so good
Brown Sugar, just like a cookie should

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Quarantine Love Song

A silly song I wrote while the world is being locked down by COVID-19.

Girl, I see you across the room
And your eyes are so captivating
Is this love or maybe a virus
I don’t know but my heart’s palpitating
I feel warm and it’s getting harder to breathe
But that’s just because I gotta tell you before you leave

I wanna be quarantined with you
Because there’s no one else that I can stand
I want to hold your freshly washed and sanitized hand
And girl, I promise to keep my distance
If you tell that when this is all through
That even when we don’t need to
That you would still want to be quarantined
With me too

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Wash Them Hands

I saw a post about how you should wash your hands for 20 seconds and it listed various songs or choruses of songs that were about 20 seconds long that you could sing to help you know if you’d washed long enough.

So I figured there needed to be a 20 second long song about washing your hands that you could use as a guide.

You gotta wash them hands if you don’t wanna get sick
Wash them hands, but don’t you do it too quick
Wash them hands for the sake of everybody
Wash them hands, if you don’t then you are naughty

Sing this song to help you along
If you remember all the words then you can’t wrong
When you get to the end then you’ll know 20 seconds have gone

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Hot Girl With A Cool Dog

I was walking down the street
Just a-shuffling my feet
When what do I see on the corner
A vision oh so sweet
With a total of six feet
And a bark that might be trying to warn her
Well it’s 95 degrees
I’ve got sweat behind my knees
But at least I’m not covered in fur

It’s a hot girl with a cool dog
A double whammy, two-for-one
Both look like they’re lots of fun
Hot girl with a cool dog
And neither one is coming with me

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I Won’t Let The Internet Make Me Hate Humanity

It’s been a while since I recorded something for, and this little ditty came to me on my walk. Channel the negative into something creative! Creative Lemonade! …Oooh, maybe that’s my next song.

And in case it wasn’t abundantly clear, the views in the song are not mine, but some of the attitudes that make me hate humanity.

I won’t let the internet make me hate humanity x4
Yanny or Laurel? Blue dress of white?
Perception doesn’t matter, I gotta be right!
If you don’t want me to spoil your favorite show
Then stay off my internet, that’s your problem, bro.
I won’t let the internet make me hate humanity x3
But privately I’m cursing your name.

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What’s In The Box?

More silly Xmas themed songs from an online advent calendar I made for a friend this year.

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