Mr. Silhouette

I know my theme song said “All of them are gonna be pretty silly,” but I’m not sure if this one really qualifies! I may have accidentally been not all that silly. Oops.

I am just a silhouette backlit by the sun.
If you’re looking for bright colors or sharp features I have none.
I don’t mind the life I lead, its alright with me.
Though I’m never in the spotlight I am full of mystery.
Mr. Silhouette is what they call me.
And then I’m gone.

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Minty Dental Floss

Minty minty dental floss keeping my teeth clean.
It’s an important part of your dental hygiene.
If you’re like me then you don’t want to do it,
But if you want to keep your teeth, get down to it.
It only takes a minute, maybe two if you linger.
It always cuts the circulation off in my fingers.
Minty minty dental floss.

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Kaylee Dog Is A Poop Diva

Kayleee dog is a poop diva.
She is so particular about where she goes.
Kaylee dog is a poop diva.
She’s gotta sniff everything with her nose.
Kaylee dog is a poop diva.
We gotta walk for miles, she gets so distracted.
Kaylee dog is a poop diva.
You’ve got it way better than your ancestral pack did.

Kaylee dog why don’t you go to the bathroom?
Enough is enough, I wanna go back inside.
Kaylee dog there is no more perfect spot than the thousand other spots that you’ve already tried.
Kaylee dog, yeah I know you’ve gotta go now.
You haven’t pooped for days and that ain’t right.
Kaylee dog, if you would do your doggie business,
Then we could go inside and go to bed for the night.

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Always Wear Your Hat Down In Mexico

A little ditty whose title came to me just before we went to Cancun.

Always wear you hat down in Mexico.
Protect yourself from that bright sun glow
Then you will never know
How much it hurts you so
To be sunburned.

The biggest organ in the body is the skin.
You should take good care of it and then
You will be happy when
Your healthy melanin
Is not cancer

No one wants to end up looking like a piece of leather.
So wear your sun protection even if it’s lovely weather.
Tanning doesn’t make you more attractive,
Especially if you’re dead.
Or Burnt and lobster red.

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Socks and Shoes

The great mysteries of life.

Do you sock, shoe, sock, shoe
Or sock, sock, shoe, shoe?
Do you start on the right or on the left?
What do you do?
The only one that feels right to me is #2.
Also, the toilet paper goes over the top.
Look at the patent.

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No Snow Cones Til Noon

Everyone loves a good Snow Cone. Or a good song about Snow Cones.

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I originally wrote this when I was starring as Angel in a live theatre recreation of the Angel episode “Smile Time.” We had thought about having fake commercials in the show but in the end, decided not to so I ended up using it in a short film I directed called “Living With Joban.” Short and silly, it felt apropos to give it a home here. Get the original fully produced mp3 here!

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I’m So Miserable

This is one I actually wrote and recorded a long time ago for a friend’s film but I realized that this seemed like the perfect home for it now! Short and silly! Here’s the original mp3 if you want it!

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It’s Really Really Gross Outside

I think this song is pretty self explanatory as to its origin story on a bleak day a week or two ago.

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Noble Groundhog

I had to do 5 billion takes of this before I had one that I could live with for some reason (and I’m not crazy about this one either but I’m done). Probably because I don’t play mandolin much. Oy. So I hope you enjoy it as I am now so sick of it.

There is a prophet, so I’m told
Who lives within a deep dark hole
Nobles and peons from all around
Wait for him to emerge from the ground
Noble Groundhog, divinating seer
Tell us whether winter lingers or if spring is near
Noble groundhog, shadows tell our fate
If winter’s icy grasp remains, spring will have to wait!

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