Peter Is A Keyboard Wizard
July 8, 2016
Happy birthday to Peter Huysman! One of the few people who watch these videos!
Peter is a keyboard wizard!
On the 10th day of July
Was born a magical guy
Music in his fingertips
That sounded like alien ships
If he was playing this song he wouldn’t have to pre-record it
But I can’t play as well as he can
‘Cause Peter is a keyboard wizard
Weaves his music like he’s casting a spell
Peter is a keyboard wizard
And he plays much better than me
I’m sure you can tell
Delayed Gratification
July 1, 2016
Lifting heavy things has got me so sore
Pick ’em up, put em down, then you do it some more
Repeat til you deplete your glycogen stores
And your muscles will get bigger and stronger
Lats, delts, quads, pecs, biceps and glutes
I wanna eat a pizza which would make it all moot
I just want to look sexy in my birthday suit
But I guess I’ll have to wait a little longer
Gotta suffer now if you want to look good later
And not be an immediate gratificator
Working real hard for some future reward
But for the moment try to stop being a self-hater
Aurora’s Sleeping
June 24, 2016
A few years ago, I was over at the house of two of my best friends and favorite people in the world, Brian and Akasha. I grabbed a guitar that was sitting around the house and just started making up songs. Akasha fell asleep on the floor (falling asleep is kind of her thing) and Brian and I continued to make up up silly songs. At one point we sang what must have been a 20 minute song all about Akasha sleeping. I actually thought it was kind of a catchy tune.
So on the occasion of the birth of their first child, Aurora, I thought I’d take that tune and write new lyrics. Congratulations, Aurora, Brian and Akasha!
Hello, Aurora, wonderful girl.
You couldn’t ask for better parents in this world.
In fact they are so awesome that it almost makes me hurl.Mom is so beautiful. Talented too.
Dad has the biggest heart and a mind to match, it’s true.
No matter what he’ll always be a bigger kid than you.Aurora’s sleeping.
Aurora’s sleeping.
Aurora’s sleeping.
Aurora’s sleeping.
Aurora’s sleeping,
So don’t sing too loud or you might wake her up!
Green Veggie Juice
June 17, 2016
6 pounds of veggies in a 16 ounce bottle.
So good for you but it tastes god awful.
Get your gut clean with a 4 day cleanse,
At the same time pay for all your sins.
Tastes like you put a bunch of grass in a blender,
Going off on a Chlorophyll bender.
Sure it tastes great, maybe if you’re a cow.
I really want a burger and fries right now,
But it’s green veggie juice!
Then another green veggie juice!
And yet another green veggie juice!
And maybe some fruit or a salad!
Green veggie juice!
Snack on raw veggies!
Green veggie juice!
Stay away from any ledges!
Green veggie juice for 4 days straight!
At least I won’t feel guilty about what I ate!
The Legend of Beardy McScrufferson
June 10, 2016
It’s the legend of Beardy McScrufferson
Beardy McScrufferson had him a beard that grew right up out of his face.
There was nothing remarkable about said beard, it grew at an average pace.
The follicle count was nothing to talk about, the colors were what you’d expect.
In fact it was average in every way with no anomalies to detect.
So why should we sing a song, ballad or ode,
when there is no legend or story to be told?
Beardy McScrufferson is just a guy with a beard.
He’s no more special than you or I.
Beardy McScrufferson just has a beard so there’s no reason to sing this song.
Happy Fun Town
June 3, 2016
This week’s silly song is doing double duty! I wrote it to be the theme song for “Happy Fun Town,” an improv show at The Institution Theater! Opening tonight! Go hear the fully recorded version at the show!
It’s Happy Fun Town!
We’re so happy to be with you
Here in Happy Fun Town
To distract you from feeling blue.
We’ll dance and sing and get out of our heads,
And run away from our existential dread
And just be happy for this moment because we’re not dead
So it’s the perfect time to be in Happy Fun Town!
So many things to see
Here in Happy Fun Town!
And lots of people that you should meet.
Inside we all have a place that’s sad,
But on the outside we are so happy and glad.
Please don’t ever leave because that would be bad.
We want you to stay with us
Here in Happy Fun Town.
The Ballad Of Sam Elliott’s Mustache
May 27, 2016
My first silly song from the road! We are vacationing in Mexico so all I had access to was Garage Band on my iPad, so I whipped this up. I really wanted to film it using a Snapchat filter that made you look like Sam Elliott but it was gone by the time I filmed this.
There’s only one thing Chuck Norris fears,
And it’s grown more manly throughout the years.
It’s got more grit than Johnny Cash,
And That thing is Sam Elliott’s mustache.It hails from a place called MANTANA,
And was born to a hat and a bandana.
There’s only one thing that The Hulk couldn’t smash,
And that thing is Sam Elliott’s mustache.There once was another stache raising heck,
And it lived on the lip of Alex Trebek.
One day it disappeared for talking trash
About Sam Elliott’s mustache.So if you find some days that you’re losing hope,
And the world has you feeling like you just can’t cope,
No matter what the trouble, be it big or small,
Sam Elliott’s mustache watches over us all.
Hair Coup
May 20, 2016
What the hell is up with my hair?
We had a good thing going up there.
A symbiotic détente, but now you do what you want.
I don’t want to have to cut you but I will.
Maybe it’s just growing pains.
An awkward stage driving me insane,
But if you’re breaking this truce, I’m gonna stock up on mousse.
I can’t have a hairdo staging a power coup, no.
Everybody loves my hair, now.
All the stylists think it’s great.
You may be going grey, at least you’re not going away,
But you’re a strong willed beast,
An entity with sentience.
Come on back now.
We had a good thing.
Shenanigangsters
May 13, 2016
Shenanigans are the currency of fun.
I’m the type who likes to take the money and run.
Scheming, machinations, shenanigans and chicanery.
Put them all together in a casserole, you get
Schemachinaniganery!
Shenanigangsters!
That’s what they call us on the street.
Shenanigangsters!
At least they should because that would be sweet.
Shenanigangsters!
We’re not too scary, we’re a lot of fun.
Shenanigangsters!
And we won’t kill you with a tommy gun.
I Am A Sexy Robot
May 6, 2016
I am a sexy robot.
Advanced technology.
Model 69, top of the line.
There’s none as fine as me.
My software Kama Sutra and hardware accessories
Will give you pleasure at your leisure
Any time you please.
And if I blow a circuit,
My backups come online.
No viruses or malware,
Or unscheduled downtime.
My temperature’s adjustable.
I will not overheat.
My cold and metal robot parts
Are covered in man-meat.
I am a sexy robot.
I am a sexy robot.
I am a sexy robot.
Tell of this thing that you call love