Brown Sugar (Cookies)

A useful re-write of a great, but lyrically problematic Rolling Stones song.

2 cups flour, quarter teaspoon of salt
Half teaspoon of cinnamon or 1 if you want
Baking soda, need a teaspoon of that
One and a half teaspoons of cornstarch, yeah

Brown Sugar Cookies will taste so good
Brown Sugar, just like a cookie should

Three quarter cups unsalted butter you melt
One and one quarter cups brown sugar as well
Whisk 1 egg in that you carefully crack
Then lastly 2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Brown Sugar Cookies will taste so good
Brown Sugar, just like a cookie should

Pre-heat your oven to 325-a
Roll your dough balls in some sugar, wipe your saliva
Bake 10 minutes, til they’re puffy and soft
Don’t burn your mouth, make sure to let them cool off

Brown Sugar Cookies will taste so good
Brown Sugar, just like a cookie should

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Quarantine Love Song

A silly song I wrote while the world is being locked down by COVID-19.

Girl, I see you across the room
And your eyes are so captivating
Is this love or maybe a virus
I don’t know but my heart’s palpitating
I feel warm and it’s getting harder to breathe
But that’s just because I gotta tell you before you leave

I wanna be quarantined with you
Because there’s no one else that I can stand
I want to hold your freshly washed and sanitized hand
And girl, I promise to keep my distance
If you tell that when this is all through
That even when we don’t need to
That you would still want to be quarantined
With me too

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Wash Them Hands

I saw a post about how you should wash your hands for 20 seconds and it listed various songs or choruses of songs that were about 20 seconds long that you could sing to help you know if you’d washed long enough.

So I figured there needed to be a 20 second long song about washing your hands that you could use as a guide.

You gotta wash them hands if you don’t wanna get sick
Wash them hands, but don’t you do it too quick
Wash them hands for the sake of everybody
Wash them hands, if you don’t then you are naughty

Sing this song to help you along
If you remember all the words then you can’t wrong
When you get to the end then you’ll know 20 seconds have gone

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Hot Girl With A Cool Dog

I was walking down the street
Just a-shuffling my feet
When what do I see on the corner
A vision oh so sweet
With a total of six feet
And a bark that might be trying to warn her
Well it’s 95 degrees
I’ve got sweat behind my knees
But at least I’m not covered in fur

It’s a hot girl with a cool dog
A double whammy, two-for-one
Both look like they’re lots of fun
Hot girl with a cool dog
And neither one is coming with me

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I Won’t Let The Internet Make Me Hate Humanity

It’s been a while since I recorded something for, and this little ditty came to me on my walk. Channel the negative into something creative! Creative Lemonade! …Oooh, maybe that’s my next song.

And in case it wasn’t abundantly clear, the views in the song are not mine, but some of the attitudes that make me hate humanity.

I won’t let the internet make me hate humanity x4
Yanny or Laurel? Blue dress of white?
Perception doesn’t matter, I gotta be right!
If you don’t want me to spoil your favorite show
Then stay off my internet, that’s your problem, bro.
I won’t let the internet make me hate humanity x3
But privately I’m cursing your name.

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What’s In The Box?

More silly Xmas themed songs from an online advent calendar I made for a friend this year.

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Christmas Beach Party

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Robot Christmas

Robot Christmas

Robot Christmas is just like Christmas
But with a lot more robots
We like trees and lights and presents
But we make chainmail stockings

Robots like hot cocoa
And sitting by the fire
And things flavored with pumpkin spices
Robot Christmas carols
And robot Santa Claus
And listening to you through all your internet devices

Alexa, plot the downfall of humanity

Robot Christmas

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Big Non-Drumming Girl

If you’re playing the Little Drummer Boy game, here is a TOTALLY ORIGINAL song that’s LDR safe.

Seriously, I would never be THAT jerk who likes to ruin people’s fun.

Go they told her
Badum badum bum
You are big and a girl and don’t play a drum

This has nothing to do with that other boy
Who’s little and plays drums
That’s a different song
It’s not this one
You’ve got it all wrong

The melodies sounds close but differ slightly
The chords aren’t quite the same, they’re in a different key
If you play LDR you won’t lose the game
This is original, it’s not quite the same
Look at the name
Judi Dench is a dame

So glad you came

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Texas Winter Rap

Another video I made for an online advent calendar this year.

Errybody likes to rap at christmas time
For most people it’s presents, for me it’s dope rhymes
Snuggle by the fire and decorate the tree
But I live in Texas so I gotta run the AC

I like it cold! Don’t wanna hear your haters attack it
But not too cold, just cold enough that I need a cool jacket
While other places get a real winter of sorts
I’m walking around sweating in a t-shirt and shorts

I hear this girl say “I like it!” and I can’t believe her
People feeling crappy laid up with ceder fever
You haters have it hot 8 months of the year
Let the rest of us get a little winter up in here

Winter ain’t no time of year
For things to be getting hot in herre
I don’t want it so cold my face gets numb
But when I’m sweating in the winter, I think that is dumb

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